Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
