I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
