Don't make out with my wife yet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
