He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So apparently I’m into choking now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
