Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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