You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize