Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
