did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
