I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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