how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
