you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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