I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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