You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
