Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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