i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
