You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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