Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
