I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
