Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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