I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
