I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
