i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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