New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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