I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am one with the molecules
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
