You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
