Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
