i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
