respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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