Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
