thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The ass gains better be worth it
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