I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
