She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I believe in your delicious
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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