my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
