You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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