I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
