Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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