Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
