belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
