Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
