booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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