I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My ATM looks so different sober.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
