so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
