I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
