Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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