i permit you to call me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
