I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
