Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
