Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
