Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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