I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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