are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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