i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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