if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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