Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
