I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
