That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
