why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.