how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
