So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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