Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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