Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
