shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
