You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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