I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
