That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
