Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
