not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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