You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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