I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
