It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
