he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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