And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
