how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
