I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
