i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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