All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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