my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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