Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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