Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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