Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
