oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
